Good conversations do not consist of just questions and answers
Perhaps you have observed this situation in other conversations whether professional or with the family. The participants have been talking at cross purposes for 15 minutes. Both parties talk a lot, but neither comes to any result and both leave the conversation annoyed. The basic problem is often not even the content of what they have discussed, but rather how the conversation was conducted.
The role of the conversational process
There are two aspects to be taken into consideration in all conversations: Both what is discussed – the content – and how it is discussed – the process – matter. The content designates the topics, questions and answers, which you would like to discuss. The process stands for the manner in which you and your partner in dialogue speak with one another. Both aspects are important.
However, during doctor-patient consultations in particular, too much priority is frequently given to the content. The process is not adequately perceived and maintained. What is the result? You may have spoken about your knee problems, but you still go home annoyed because you feel you have been neither heard nor understood.
When we have a bad memory of a conversation, the content is often less significant than the manner in which it was conducted.
Hallmarks of a successful conversation
The requirements for a good conversation are, in particular:
It has to be well prepared and conducted in a structured manner, if possible.
All participants express themselves clearly; listen attentively; do not constantly interrupt each other; and ask questions if they do not understand something.
The participants feel comfortable in the environment in which they are speaking.
Go often “on to the balcony” mentally, to reflect on the conversational process
Keeping the content and the process under control during conversations is a demanding task. When we discuss complex questions or when we are stressed, we tend to concentrate exclusively on the content. Unfortunately, we neglect the process. And if we are not careful at this point, neither the content nor the process will be right in the end!
Good preparation will certainly help. If you have formulated your consultation goals [Link] and questions [Link] with the help of EverAsk, taken your “cheat sheet” with you and checked during the consultation whether your questions have been answered, much has been gained. And if a point was not addressed, or if you have not understood an answer, tell your doctor.
In addition, the following approach can be very useful: If you feel unhappy about the course of a consultation, first try to gain some mental distance. What can help is to take a breath of air and imagine that you are standing on a balcony. The helpful feature of a balcony is that on it you are able to look down on a scene from above. And from a higher position you can often gain surprising insight into a matter. That will help you to discern why a consultation is not going well. You will be better able to decide how you want to proceed and which measures you can take to steer the process.